Finding Hope in An Evening Star
A single star shimmers in the glow out my window during evening meditation, perfectly placed by an invisible hand.
I dwell inside, praying and meditating while fellow house-dwellers make distant sounds from their music and TVs, during the quarantine.
I wonder why I never noticed that star before? I have sat here many times, but usually reading with the lights on. Tonight I am practicing abstaining from TV, feeling more and more of my body, in this place and time, at this unprecedented time in history.
COVID 19 spreads quickly and governments react daily with more restrictions, death counts. It doesn’t feel real, in this country, but it is here just as much as anywhere else. I do this meditation for the hope I feel, to contribute something.
I return to my breathing, feeling the blood moving through me so fast, humming, a marvel. The Spirit embodies the breath, or the breath, the body. It moves quickly, imperceptively. To find it you have to slow down, stay with it. The mind finds the star again.
I want to believe the star means something. That it has a message for me.
I feel convicted that I need to stop making more of this than it is. And start noticing things like my breath. Like the invisible hand, the imperceptible.
But I can’t stop noticing the beauty all around me!
I’ve already lost the star in my study of it, talking about it! When I first noticed it, it was an instant aha! Beauty. Appreciation. No content. No analysis. Just the star and me. When I put words to it, it lost its mystery. Its beauty.
I return to the star. And breathe. Can I just sit and be with the star?
I can’t do it!!
In my mal-adjusted, socially addicted, reactive nature, I cannot cope without some kind of interactivity – some kind of interpretation, conversation, with myself, with you, and the ineffable. Maybe this is my reality!
I am a human being. I contemplate such things. Meaning. Starlight. Beauty. Existence. Time. My spiritual practice takes me into the depths. It is never a silence for me, but an ongoing conversation, a gallery! I cannot stop moving – my heart, my feelings, my breath. I want to know more, experience more, express all I see! All I can be!
The star has shifted. It seems to have fallen in the sky outside my window. I am worried that I have “talked” this whole time, and might lose the star! But I haven’t lost the star. Because the star means something to me. And who knows that that star is not contemplating me?!
My love of life includes all of creation as I gaze inwardly and outwardly – to me, they are all connected. My inner vision comes from what I see, and what I cannot see. I am stirred by God’s invisible hand guiding me: Look, see! Here I am, in the mystery of things.
P.S. I couldn’t resist getting a Star Finder app and found my star in the constellation of Aries. Like I child I will never give up hope for humanity or grow tired of learning and discovering!
What Feelings Mean in a Life Blessed
Living in my mind a lot, as I am in school again, I sometimes wonder and question myself, what I am learning, the past, the present and the future. It is a lot! Anxiety can creep in as I forget who I am, and come home seeking recovery. It is not that the work robs me of something; but in my laser focus on the tasks at hand, on reading other’s thoughts in books and articles, or hearing other’s words, I can get lost.
Coming back to who I am, as I write this, as I marvel at the wonderland that is my life at present, I am amazed at how blessed I am. An evening of laughter with family all around me, a husband and mother who cook a feast for all, time to reflect in quiet as I look at a candle, my books, my writing tools; my children’s plump earthly faces to be kissed and squeezed; the dazzling light of the love I feel…
It is important to remember that life is always blessed, but we are not always aware. We may be pining for days past or looking forward too much, or we might be sunk right in the middle of something that has all of our attention, and mirth is the last thing on our hearts and minds.
Mirth is an interesting word; it is a very old word that to our modern ears might sound like a problem, but it actually means merriment, gladness, laughter. Fun. In the Bible, it was used to describe joy or laughter when the people celebrated; but mirth was also discouraged by the Prophets or in Proverbs when the people needed the wisdom to mourn or mend their ways. (We can have too much merriment!)
I find a life that is blessed has both mourning and mirth; laughter and lament; joy and sorrow. We are meant to bend into what God would have us be. We may not always know why we are laughing, or why we are crying. But to live is to feel. And to be in Christ is the be clothed in both merriments at the Bridegroom’s (Jesus’s) spiritual presence in our hearts, and His physical absence on a planet where we live or witness other’s devastation, loss and toil.
But what do mirth and mourning have to do with realizing a life of being blessed? I no longer need to be happy all of the time, to feel blessed. I no longer want to make light of everything in order to feel OK. I know God sustains me even when things are dry or times are difficult; when life gets in the way. I can sense God’s presence, even as I watch TV (perhaps asking me to turn it off!). I can feel God pulling me out of bed to come and contemplate, to put things in my soul aright.
Life is complicated. God is not. We feel many things, merriment, mirth, happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety, calm and contentment. Our feelings lead us to understand life, to process its many facets. There is beauty even in the ashes of life, in lament. A true poet, a prophet, a lover of God feels greatly, and loves deeply. We can express the entirety of life in many colours. God created everything. God is with us (the meaning of the name Immanuel) in everything. So why not embrace all as a blessing? And feel our way in God.
There are miracles in both mirth and mourning. Embrace your life. Live fully and love God.
Amen.
Experiencing God’s Love On A Cold Winter’s Night
Experiencing God’s Love When It’s Cold Outside/Inside. An Audio Prayer Poem & Meditation by Krista Moore
Krista recorded a special prayer meditation for you. Listen by clicking the play button above and melt into your heart.
How to Do What You Love
Finding Your Mission. Discovering Your Passion. Making Changes Over Time. by Krista Marie Moore
Daily Miracle Message
Are you doing what you love yet? Do you feel like you have hope in the morning, meaning throughout the day, and gratitude at night? Do you rise up with purpose and feel a longing to keep going, exploring and doing all that you love?
This may seem impossible, a fantasy even, but I am here to tell you that it is possible! I am doing what I love, thank God (you can read more about that in How Your Mission Can Change Everything). However, it has been a process, not an all-of-a-sudden proposition. So don’t worry. You can figure this out. I have experienced many transitions over the last 20 years, all for the better, and slowly over time, my life has become absolutely in line with my true dreams and goals. And I’m still learning and growing! I never want that to stop.
That is what it can feel like when you do what you love. You don’t mind the slow-downs, hiccups, detours, dead ends. Eventually, you find your way around again, doing what you love. As long as you are pointed in the right direction, and keep putting gas in the tank, you will find more ways to explore each avenue of expression, each eager dovetail into phenomenal vistas that send your stomach swirling in loop-dee-loops. It is worth the price of admission.
What will it take to do what you love? You may have a family member or a partner to help. Or a side job, or a very slow transition time from your “normal” career. Or life may force you into a new positive change (through job loss, relocation or death of a loved one). Or you may do what you love on weekends, or on very long vacations from which you do not wish to return, or you may have an exit plan. Whatever way you decide to take, keep pointing in the right direction.
And what if you do not know what you love? It may not be obvious, or it may be right in front of your nose. There is some flickering flame of passion within you, some deep down desire. Listen to it. Explore it. Ask questions. Pretend that anything is possible. And then take the first step. It could be so micro – minuscule you hardly even notice. But it is a start! Like drawing a picture, or writing a note to yourself. Just keep going! And soon, you will be counting the days till your next workday, rather than your next vacation day. True work is play!
Doing what you love feeds your soul, elevates your consciousness, and often causes you to give love and service to others in a way that feels “effortless”. It could be something so natural to you you think it’s a sin to be paid for it. Like a hobby you’ve been stuffing in the closet, or think your “okay” at, but other people think you’re amazing.
Imagine your life differently. Doing what you love. Imagine that God wants you to be happy. Doing what you love. Imagine everything is possible. Doing what you love. And then, and only then, start living that way.
Daily Miracle Prayer
Dear God, help me remember what I love to do, what brings me joy and happiness, fulfillment and abundance. I am willing to change my outlook. I am willing to make room in my life for more of what I love. Make me accountable. Send me helpers to push me toward my dreams. Make them come true. Thank you, God. Amen.
Daily Miracle Blessing
Make room for Me. And I will make room for your deepest dreams. Pray to Me, and I will counsel you on what to do. Do not falter. Do not despair. There is a rainbow waiting for you. Give me your dreams and I will cause great miracles to bring those dreams to life!
What is God? How God Can Flow Through
How Does God Flow Through my Life? Photo: Joy in the River.
I like to think of God as water. Or electricity. When God is working through us, He flows like water, like a current. Think of Moses striking the rock at the command of God, and the water pouring out to give drink to thousands, or Jesus turning in a crowd because he felt a surge of energy shoot out of him when the bleeding woman touched his robe and instantly received healing.
This is what God can do.
We can try to dam up the water. We can try to capture the electricity or channel it for our own purposes. But we cannot stop the flow of God. It will break through. Like a writer trying to control the words that come to me, I may succeed or fail in delivering the “essence” of the Word, the true Spirit of the message. If I remove myself and let myself go, I may be able to communicate the Spirit of God unimpeded. But this is unlikely. I am still human.
But sometimes, more than my human frailty comes through, the essence of God, the Spirit, the brilliance, like lightning that strikes and surprises, that lights up the night sky and crackles with clarity and power. Or the rush of water when a boulder or block is removed, how the mysterious water molecules come together as one force, moving along in one direction, with gravity pulling it to its rightful destination. This too is the power of God.
As a writer, as a speaker, as a fallible human being, I aim to let go. I cannot eliminate entirely how my mind works, my memories, my heart’s desires and my soul’s knowing. Perhaps God knows this, too. Perhaps God chooses where to strike and when to release the power of water with the right energy, force and words that deliver the sounds only God can make.
How can I tell if it is God or myself? Like any fallible human looking in wonder at the night sky with the first crack of thunder, or standing in awe under a waterfall far beyond its own nature: we just feel it in our blood and bones. We don’t move it, it moves us. It changes us. It transforms us. It delivers us what we most need.
God is that force, that miracle.
We lie in wait for God to strike, to deliver, to speak.
God, speak.
We are waiting.
Does God Forgive Us?
While I was lamenting, God answered my prayer.
I am burning to recite you, repeat you, praise you. I am eager to learn from you, see you, feel you, and share you. Come to me, oh Lord, the one true One, the One of All. No one is like you, no other voice, though you shatter our illusions endlessly with your riddles. Barricades block your knowledge because people are talking, arguing about who you are – no, what you are, or what you said or did not say, so long ago. But what do you say now? And with whom do you walk? Who is walking with you now? Is anybody listening anymore?
You must be a lonely God, for the world is in confusion, as it always has been. But so much worse from our perspective, because we see the history and the present, and we seem to think we can tell the future, too! Deliver us, oh Lord, from our fantasies of what we think is best, what we think we know, and what we are afraid of. Let us know what you see, what you know, what you will allow, and what you will not. What are the boundaries of your Love, Lord, your patience?
It must be cold where you are, so far from the light of the world that you left here. This distant hum of your presence seems like an echo from another time and place – we keep reminiscing, dreaming even, repeating, but we don’t know anymore. We have lost connection. We are searching in the wrong places. We are repeating phrases. We don’t know how to call you. To listen. To be silent.
But we are still asking. At least I am. Maybe I am a lonely prophet. A lonely teacher. A remote speaker. I have no phrases, I don’t know any that I could recite. Except for the Lord’s Prayer. I only converse with you day and night. I hear only myself at times, and feel your silent presence, your smile, your humour, your patience, and your anger. Only you are justified, I am not. My passion is selfish; it sees no winners. Your anger knows the truth, and likes it. It does not tolerate mass hysteria, ignorance, lust, games, politics. What is your politics except for forgiveness? And justice? Our world knows no truth, that is yours. We think we know, but we do not.
Now I am speaking again. I must be silent.
Now I am writing, I must be waiting.
Surely you will break open, and create a deluge, not of suffering but of sense. Of recompense. Of presence. Your voice will be heard. Justice will be given. Light will come again. And again. And again. World without end.
Ah, phrases. They are beautiful, comforting, they remind me of you. They lull me to sleep when I am stirring and restless. They awaken me when I am dull and fruitless. Your mind gives me light to live by, a friend to my soul. I am never alone in your presence. And I am never not in your presence. You are about me and knocking on my door. You reside in my heart, a soft cupboard where I keep precious ingredients that will not spoil. I access you regularly. You are salt and green oil. My roof is your head under which I lay down. I cast off all cares in your smell. Your incense burns brightly in my soul. It never goes out – the wick does not bend, the smoke fills me with delight. I skip when I should be shrinking in fear; I feel your weight upon my hand, for you are beside me. My steps echo your thoughts, and the branches spill out your seed everywhere. There is nothing I cannot glimpse your majesty. My breath touches the tip of the garden and falls back to the ocean, it swells to the sky and dips down like a sea bird. I am ocean. You are sky. We blend well together. One day I will rise to meet you, lay like an unending cloud, or dissipate and melt before the sea-born sky. Licking away every last pebble from my eye. It has been so long since I have seen you eye to eye. The dark thunder split the sky and caused me to fold into darkness, holding myself hostage in sleeping and wilderness. I walked 10,000 miles, I slept under a rock, and a sea bird lifted the crumbs from my hands and fed me personally.
Elijah was sleeping with me, I was dreaming of him, as I lay there, a traveller like him, frightened by my own darkness and forgetfulness.
Awaken! The boat is ready. Come sailing. Why are you living like a traveller, like an alien? Why are you sleeping under a rock when God gave you the sky? And land creatures to roam on. Your bones are breaking under the thick of your mind. Release them, the prisoners you held captive. Those little minions you gave jobs and won’t let go: I must run, I must take, I must bury, I must fake. Let them go!
I break all the contracts you have made before the end of time. You have not done well for yourselves down there all alone. You really have punished yourselves remarkably. It doesn’t matter what your father’s father’s father did. Come back to me, your true Father. Come back to your Father’s house, ascend the stairs, it has been too long. You have grown old in waiting and forgetfulness. I will place my hand on your shoulder, kiss your cheek and cry, weep. It has been too long. Surely, you have not wanted to be away from me for this long?
How God Worked A Miracle In My Soul
The Miracle of Wanting Less and Loving More
God has changed me profoundly. I know this because my will is not my own. Although I still make choices, I do things more and more because it is the right thing to do. Either I have grown up, or God has worked a miracle on my soul.
In my old world, I used to call my work transformational. I accredited a lot of the pain and gain to myself, to my “process.” The self-help movement that I espoused brought me through many storms and heart-aches. I looked to myself both as cause and effect in some ways. Though I believed in God, I wasn’t sure if I was good enough for him. I would make strides, make changes, take big leaps, and fall big falls. I was courageous, but courage is not the same as wisdom.
In my new world, I’m walking across a bridge, from the land where I once played and performed on many stages – literally and figuratively, to a new land where God is guiding the way, where I don’t always play a significant role. Still, I feel the best I have ever felt, doing what I love behind the scenes.
I used to get excited by a new “gig,” the praise of a co-worker or boss, an honour at school, or a day off. Now I feel like a secret Santa on commission to make someone feel better. I stop to ask someone how they are, to console someone whose father is dying, to make a new friend, to help with the unpopular tasks of cleaning a kitchen or microwave, to attend a meeting for a social cause.
These little acts of kindness and care bring great rewards. They aren’t external; they’re internal. Truthfully, they’re not about me at all! They come from feeling the love from others, a simple smile or thank you, and sometimes nothing at all. Just a quiet prayer to God that “all is well.”
A quiet ride home contemplating the blessings of that day brings joy to my heart and contentment to my soul that I hadn’t experienced until I first surrendered as I walked across that bridge to my new home.
Joy and laughter come from a heart fulfilled, filled with moments of care and carefree play with children or my dog.
I am camping out in the land of God. He fills every place with his essence; his whispers to be patient; his nudge to smile; to sing, and to send our love into the world.
I didn’t do this myself. I didn’t transform by an act of will or self-knowledge. God changed me and continues to mould me in a way that I can still be who I am, without all the pain and suffering. I am working for a new cause, one that is not my own.
The rewards are higher than any prize. As God works on me, I work with God. We make a great team. He causes me to love; I am one small spark, a twinkle in his eye. I get to light up the dark spaces and bring others along for the ride.
God has worked a miracle in my soul. If he can do it for me, he can do it for you as well.
How Your Mission Can Change Everything
Have you ever found yourself going through life, everything seems hunky-dory, but you are feeling an urgent desire for change? A desire to know more? To do more? To change everything?!
This could be a call. For example, I was previously working in the business world, commuting every day, for ten years, when I got the urge to change my life and become an actor. Then eight years after that, my spiritual path opened up and I began teaching workshops, yoga and retreats. Now, I’m becoming a minister. Who would have thought it?
In a couple of weeks, I enter a new phase in my journey: entering a Master of Divinity program at the University of Toronto (Emmanuel College). I can hardly believe that I will be at a seminary, like many young men before me (women were not admitted until the mid
– 60s). As I studied the pictures on the walls of Emmanuel College, Victoria University in the University of Toronto, I felt a kinship, and also an awareness that this was a privilege, a rarity, not just because I’m a woman, but because few people ever choose this path. And I get to do it while still having a somewhat “normal” life, commuting three days a week, doing homework, reading, writing, dialoguing, communing.
Emmanuel private prayer room I’m on a mission: Jesus and the angels pushed me to work with people and heal them. Before this decision, I worked as a Spiritual Director / Healer and Direct Channel of the divine. I had my apprehensions, worries, as my spiritual gifts became a part of who I am. I even went to a Jesuit retreat with Catholic sisters and priests, to make sure I was “OK” with all of this. I am. One priest said, “I’ve never met anyone like you.” He validated my gifts are from God and only God decides “Who, when, where and for how long.” That gave me some peace.
Manresa Retreat, Pickering Ont. So what does that mean? It means I have work to do. The feeling of having a mission isn’t just my imagination or wishful thinking. I have to take it to the limit. Beyond what I’m comfortable with, what makes sense, what I want. And embrace the wild unknown – the spiritual landscape of many “others”: people of different backgrounds, faith traditions, experiences. Not only will I learn a lot from them, but I will also be moved to offer what I have – my gifts, services when the time comes, and the unexpected. As they say, “God had other plans.”
My mission is simple: to heal others through the grace of God, under the direction of Christ/Jesus. It includes
using my healing gifts, messages and psalms (and sometimes making a fool of myself for God). I can’t be comfortable. I have to do what is in me todo, and give what God gives me so others can discover their gifts, too.
Emmanuel College chapel Yes, I’m on a mission. And only God knows who, where, when and for how long. I’m grateful he’s starting me at Emmanuel.
You may be wondering what your mission is? To discover your own spiritual gifts and mission, see How To Do What You Love.
What is your mission? Please share your comments or ask a question below. Much Love!
How God Find Us When We are Lost
God never gives up on you. A Daily Book of Miracles, by Krista Marie Moore. Photo credit: Sheep Grazing on Camino, in Galacia, Spain, Krista Moore 2019
Good Shepherd keep me safe from harm, teach me where to go. Do not tarry too long, but find me and bring me Home.
Imagine a beautiful cottage standing on the Northern shore of a remote place, with waves crashing in the distance, and sheep grazing in the fields along the trail toward the shore.
A gentle boy named David, who is singing and pulling his tunic over his head, picks up his staff to go out for the day to check on his sheep.
All of his sheep are grazing except one. He counts and counts and still there is one missing. He goes down the lane and over the hill to see where the other has gone. He looks back to make sure the other sheep do not follow him or roam. They are busy grazing and do not even look up.
David finds the lost sheep which has cut its leg hopping over a sharp stone. He wraps it up with a torn piece of his tunic cloth and frees the trembling lamb from his predicament. He picks the young wanderer up and carries him back to the others. They all gather around him with busy noses pressing in to welcome back their lost brother, who has returned home.
This little sheep is like us when we wander outside of our natural boundary when we try to do things our own way. One of God’s shepherds, Jesus, comes to find us and bring us home. All we have to do is call and He will hear us and send a search and rescue party out.
Whatever the circumstance, whatever the predicament, He will succeed in His mission to restore us Home. God can bring us back to ourselves, back on the path, restore our hope, our life, our purpose. He can even reverse our mistakes and make things right again. Don’t worry. Just ask God for help with anything. You are never far from his warm embrace.
Do not hesitate to call on God or Jesus for help if you feel lost. Let go of your fears and ask, even if it is a helpless cry in the dark. God will hear you and return you where you need to be.
Daily Miracle Prayer
God, please find me, I am lost. I have wandered too far off the path. I don’t know which way to go. I am so wounded and I cannot walk alone. Lift me up and take me where I need to be. Amen.
Daily Miracle Blessing
Call on me and I will come to you. I will rescue you. I never give up on you. You are my beloved daughter/son. You are never far from Home!
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me – just as the Father knows me and I know the Father – and I lay down my life for the sheep” (John 10:14-15 NIV)
How to Heal Your Heart
An excerpt from Krista’s Daily Book of Miracles, a book in progress, Copyright 2019-2020 Krista Marie Moore. Photo Credit: Private. 2019
Many of us walk around in the world wearing a mask over our heart. Maybe we don’t even know we are wearing it. We have grown so used to trying to hold it together, to be strong for others. But there comes a time when we have to let it down and feel our own heart, feel our own soul.
What is really going on? How do I feel right now? What am I forgetting to remember in this moment? What do I feel in my heart right now?
After a trauma, or a particular period of difficulty, we can get used to the pain. We can get used to suffering. We don’t even know we’re doing it, but we begin to hide it, even from ourselves. It is too difficult to look there again, to admit how we feel, when we are coping, just trying to get through.
It may seem on the outside that everything looks OK, but on the inside something doesn’t feel right. You may feel actual pain in your heart area, or it may just be like a pressure, a sadness, or a tension. Whatever you are feeling, go there. Go deep inside and feel the sadness, feel the pain, feel the excitement. Whatever you are feeling. Allow it.
Many of us have been taught to disobey our own heart. We have been taught to obey others: our bosses, our parents, our spouses. We have learned to keep control of our emotions and push them down, as far down as possible, which leads to disease, tension, disability and even accidents. Sometimes life causes us to wake up through something that will catch our attention, make us feel again. It may be highly disagreeable, even more painful than the original feeling, but it gets our attention, and then we have a choice.
Are you going to take this opportunity to heal this pain, or are you going to just push through?
You can’t push yourself forever. At some point, you’re going to need to rest. You’re going to need to feel. Those emotions will come back, they will find you.
Dont’ be afraid of your feelings, of your emotions. They are there to guide you. If you are upset, admit that you are upset. Don’t push it down. Find a way to talk about it. If you are scared, be scared. Don’t pretend you are happy. Happiness will come only when you face your fears and find a way to transform, not pushing them away or denying.
Daily Miracle Practice
Feel your heart. What is inside? What is it saying to you? Is there someone you need to talk to? Are you lonely or sad? Do you need someone to lean on? Do you need a guide?
Let yourself feel. Then ask for what you need.
Our hearts grow bigger and stronger when we listen to their needs.
Go deep inside, and then find the answer. It will come to you.
Daily Miracle Prayer
Dear God, I am afraid of how I feel. I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like I will not be able to handle it. I’m afraid that others will not be able to handle it! Please give me the courage to accept how I feel and do something about it. Help me feel my heart and learn to express it. Let it be my friend and guide. Thank you. Amen.
Daily Miracle Blessing
There is a beautiful soul in you. A beautiful heart that has been wounded with time. Let me hold it in my hands and heal you. Let me help you release those feelings and judgements about yourself, and feel what it feels like to be loved.
